Monday, January 3, 2011

The Wheel of Time turns

On the sixteenth of September 2007, James Oliver Rigney, Jr, also known as Robert Jordan passed away leaving behind the greatest unfinished work in fantasy. He is survived by his wife Harriet McDougal and millions of fans.Mr Jordan's epic fantasy series, The Wheel of Time was unlike any of its contemporaries and established him as the Emperor of Fantasy.
There is general agreement within the fantasy community that the majority of fantasy literature is derivative of J R R Tolkein's seminal work; The Lord of the Rings. The plot lines follow a template; village boy finds out he's is more than ordinary, sets out on a quest usually with a wise old man conveniently from his village. There are elves who are superior to every other race in almost every aspect, but who, for some inscrutable reasons, do not take part in any of the actual fighting, but rather, restrict themselves to spewing pompous rhetoric and being mysterious and enigmatic. There are dwarves who almost always hate elves, have beards and are good with stone. There is always some enchanted place in the forest with some seeped in 'ancient magic' where the village-boy-hero will find an artifact which will help him defeat the Dark Lord singlehandedly. Tolkein handles the above template very well. He does this by choosing not to explain the mechanics of the magic, by making the One Ring the single most malevolent entity in all of literature, by inventing languages and writing page-long poems in them, and most of all, with beautiful, beautiful prose. However, several writers have fallen into the trap of trying to recreate his magic. They have failed.
Mr Jordan brought with him a breath of fresh air. Someone might stop me here and say, "Stop right there mister, the initial chapters of the first book, The Eye of the World read almost like the template that you have so portentously presented." Mr Jordan deliberately wrote the initial chapters of the first book closer to the style and tone of the Fellowship of the Ring and I concede that they are so. One would be hard pressed to find any other similarities to the template in the subsequent books.
Whereas Mr Tolkein predominantly drew his inspiration from Anglo-Saxon folk tales and poems, Mr Jordan looks toward religion for his inspiration,most importantly, the concept of the Messiah, or the Saviour which kicks around in modern religion. Th concept of rebirth which resonates throughout Hinduism, and the concept of balance and duality of Buddhism
The Creator created the world, and at the moment of Creation, imprisoned his anti-thesis, Shai'tan. The wheel of time is turned by the One Power which has two aspects; saidin and saidar. Saidar can be weilded by women, whereas, the more violent saidin can only be weilded by men. In an Age when all living beings were at peace, an Age which was later known as the Age of Legends, men and women who could weild the power, known as Aes Sedai, worked towards the progress of humankind. They occupied important posts in government and had a monopoly over all knowledge. However, in an attempt to tap into a power source accessible by both the sexes, a team of researchers inadvertently created a bore in Shai'tan's prison. Over the next few years, His influence spread across the world and poisoned men's minds. However, in anticipation of this, the Wheel of Time churned out the champion of the Light; the Dragon. A male channeler of immense power, the most power channeler in the world. In the Age of Legends, Lews Therin Telamon was the Dragon. however, the forces of the Light suffered heavy losses in the War of the Shadow. In a last ditch attempt to salvage victory from the jaws of defeat, Lews Therin led the most powerful male channelers known as the Hundred Companions to Shayol Ghul, to seal the Bore in Shai'tan's prison. However, just as they seal the Bore, Shai'tan unleashes his counterstrike because of which, saidin is tainted and Lews Therin and his Hundred Companions are instantly driven insane. Lews Therin murders his family and anyone related to. Because of the taint on saidin, all males which touch the Power are slowly driven insane and they die of a wasting disease. The remaining insane male Aes Sedai destroy the world in their madness. They raise mountains where there once were rivers. This is known as the Breaking of the World.
Three thousand years pass. Human society has taken a gigantic leap backwards. Male channelers are regarded with fear and hatred. Lews Therin Telamon in particular is the most hated and referred to as Lews Therin Kinslayer. The Aes Sedai are now a purely female order which captures men who channel and snuffs the ability out of them. There are no male Aes Sedai. In such a world, the Dragon is rebon. His name is Rand al'Thor and The Wheel of Time is his story.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

The Hunter by Marcus Lord

O Hunter, Strong Hunter, O what have I done?
Many leagues, over mountains and dales have I run,
Yet you pursue me and you have slain my mate,
O pray tell me why we deserve this fate

O Hunter, Strong Hunter, I beg thee stop,
My bones ache and my tongue is dry,
My throat aches for a sip from the spring,
Why do you hate us? Please tell me why

Vile Hunter, I fear not your pitiful dart,
Strong am I in anger and in wrath,
Endeavour if you dare and block my path,
Every beast in the forest shall feed on your heart

Hunter, Poor Hunter, bleeding, here you lie,
My antler through your heart, you prepare to die,
My heart bleeds for you as you fade,
Your voice is weak, yet your eyes remain clear,
Alas! Had we known each other in love and peace,
We would not have been brought this way together, now, and here

Deer, Noble Deer, your fair visage brings joy to my eyes,
I shall not insult you with guile and lies,
My means are scant and i have four mouths to feed,
Now do you see why there could be no love and peace?

नीद का निर्माण फ़िर फ़िर

This was a poem we learnt at school. Complete dickheads that we were then, we failed to recognise the sheer beauty of it. The resonance of each word which conveys so much meaning yet fits with almost criminal snugness into the meter completely escaped us. Shri Bachchan could move mountains with his words. Without force. They would bow down and make way.
Here goes.....

नीड का निर्माण फिर फिर
नेह का आव्हान फिर फिर

यह उठी आँधी कि नभ में
छा गया सहसा अँधेरा
धूलि धूसर बादलों ने
भूमि को इस भाँती घेरा

रात सा दिन हो गया
फिर रात आई और काली
लग रहा था अब न होगा
इस निशा का फिर सवेरा

रात के उत्पात भय से
भीत जन जन भीत कण कण
किंतु प्राची से उषा की
मोहिनी मुस्कान फिर फिर

नीड का निर्माण फिर फिर
नेह का आव्हान फिर फिर

क्रुद्ध नभ के वज्र दंतों में
उषा है मुसकराती
घोर गर्जनमय गगन के
कंठ में खग पंक्ति गाती
एक चिडिया चोंच में तिनका लिए
जो जा रही है
वह सहज में ही पवन
उनचास को नीचा दिखाती

नाश के दुःख से कभी
दबता नहीं निर्माण का सुख
प्रलय की निस्तब्धता में
सृष्टि का नवगान फिर फिर

नीड का निर्माण फिर फिर
नेह का आव्हान फिर फिर

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Things that piss me off

Note: Only the author gives a shit about this article. Readers are welcome to though. Group solidarity. The author has no idea what induced him to write this article. He blames it on peer pressure. He feels the pressure to be more wannabe and self righteous in his writing.

1. Religious fundamentalists
2. Religion
3. Tiny cramped cars
4. Violation of traffic rules
5. The look which most girls give you when you go to a nice 'hang out place' in shorts and an old tee
6. Ill founded pride in Marathi culture
7. Computer programming
8. Being force fed health biscuits by mum and sister because I've become something they call 'scary thin'
9. Summer training
10. Enclosed spaces
11. Pseudo-savvy T-shirt quotes
12. Being scared of two-wheelers on the road when you're driving a car. There ain't no David Goliath situation in real life.
13. Precocious children
14. People who are cruel to cats
15. The the entire dirty great field of engineering

Saturday, June 27, 2009

Roadpati se Karodepati

Imagine you're sitting in front of Anil Kapoor trying not to look at his repulsive moustache. You're on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire. He asks you questions whose answers eerily fit into your past life. You know the answer to Question 1: "Name a popular three wheeled mode of conveyance found on Indian streets?", only because you almost collided with a rickshaw on your way to work. Question 2: "What is two plus two?" escapes you because your office is five miles from your home and not four.
Slumdog Millionaire expects us to believe a street child speaks English with Received Pronunciation when he grows up. It expects us to believe that Anil Kapoor can actually pull of even the easiest roles in which he has but to assume his natural expression, that of dumbfounded amazement with his moustache underlining his most odius physical feature. It also expects us to believe that Alexandre Dumas is taught in run down municipal schools, and that the school teacher actually gives a shit.
Here's a smooth segue into a joke. What do you call a man who has sex with a lot of women for money, and makes millions? SlumDONG Miliionaire. Well, at least the movie's worse than the joke.
When the hell have you seen Bombay come to a complete standstill? Well personally, i've seen it only in the aftermath of the horrible attacks on 26/11. It certainly won't halt everything just to watch some moron will a crore rupees while most of the city starves.
Girl: Mom, look he's gonna win a crore rupees!!!!
Mom: Sit still beta while i extract enough blood from your arm so that i can sell it and we can have some food today.
If you go to the average Mumbaikar and tell him to drop everything and go watch some TV, he'll probably say, "Kyun bey maaderchod? Teri shaadi hai kya??"
Most of the things shown in the movie absolutely never happen. First of all, you can't expect to dance on VT station and expect to get away with it. A girl whom you abandoned ten years ago doesn't welcome you with open arms. More likely with a left hook to the jaw. It is impossible to run through a Bombay train station during rush hour at the speed shown. There are too many people to negotiate. Amitabh Bachchan doesn't visit transit camps. Nobody in their right mind would jump into a pile of doo doo just to get a fuckin' autograph. Oh by the way, the word 'slumdog' is a direct transliteration of the Hindi term 'galli ka kutta'.
I hate the cocksure condescending attitude that the West adopts towards India. Probably the best made movie about India, made by Hollywood is Gandhi. I'm sure a lot of money changed hands within the Academy to make the printer look the other way while the words 'Slumdog Millionaire' were printed on all the envelopes. In their hurry, they likely missed a few, and that is why Benjamin Button and Milk could scrape a few notches on their walls. The Academy is headed down a steep slope if it consciously chose to get rid of its Oscar statuettes to that monstrosity. I mean, if you don't want the statuettes, melt then and send them to Fort Knox man!! What'll movie lovers like me do if Hollywood goes down the poop pipe?

Friday, June 26, 2009

Failures, Hopelessness and Cream Pie

I'm twenty now, and my list of failures in life has reached alarming proportions. I was probably one of the first people to scoff at the term 'quarter life crisis'. I thought it was a neologism thrust upon us by greedy faceless money churning corporations so that they could squeeze every penny from us by making us buy droves of useless paraphernalia. But it apparently is very much alive and pumping. I seemed to have avoided this landmine though. My friends seem to have been hit hard. While i sing like a canary and look for unsuspecting god fearing citizens on whom i might inflict my 'Good deed for the day', my friends are mired in a cesspool of their own negative energies. I inhale ice cream by the gallon while they choke on every morsel. I skip (the annoying kind) to the bus stop while my friends can't seem to drag their poor helpless bodies out of bed. Feeling left out of all the group solidarity, i have decided to present a compilation of my failures.

1. Hit an all time low as far as prowess on the football field is concerned. The team i get chosen into makes no secret about their displeasure about being stuck with me and conveniently tells me to wait outside so that i don't get hurt. I don't blame them

2. Came in sixteenth in a nine mile marathon.

3. Never can i get a waiter to pay attention to me. I'm always left jabbing my finger in the air like I'm gauging the wind direction. Of course, this always happens when there are girls at the table.

4. My GPA finally said, " Its getting hard to breathe up here. Houston, I'm bringin' 'er down." I went from a robust 9.7 to a ghastly..no..my cultured education doesn't permit me to utter it's negligible magnitude.

5. My guitar playing sounds as if someone just gassed a whole chamber of cats in heat. Simple chords escape me. I try to play a C and it comes out a G#.

6. I'm twenty and not that magical age of ten. Must obtain secret from Peter Pan

7. I'm the butt of all jokes. On a good day, I spot a joke I could have been made the butt of , but nobody else does, so they let it pass.

8. I can't drive a car. Neither can i ride a bike. I can walk though.

9. I'm twenty.

10. My frantic chants and yells seem to make the Indian Cricket Juggernaut sputter and retire with an Aspirin by its bedside. Why don't they worrrrk?????

11. My two minute noodles get done within the specified time, but it takes another ten, to scrape them from the vessel.

12. I sing like a rake on chalkboard.

13. I'm born on the longest day of the year.

The above list will regularly be updated so my imaginary readers may enjoy new material.